Do you know that feeling? The one of a million voices in your head

The ones that say go and the ones that say stay a little while longer

The ones that give hope and the ones that make you crumble

I’ve heard those voices before and for a little while I enjoyed their company

They came to me in the form of the most beautiful man I have ever seen

Who as destiny would have it became my best friend

I told him everything and anything from start to finish

All my fears and dreams he knew about a hundred percent of them all

He was my number one supporter and my number one fan

I thought we had started to build something special

From the endless texts to chats to songs and vibing all day

He was the greatest form of company in my tender life

I hadn’t planned for the day my heart would give way to him

And I started to sink further and further into the depths of love

A feeling I had not experienced in the longest time

Soon afterwards a leap of faith enveloped around us

And he said the sweetest words to me

Making me believe we were getting somewhere

That he would be the one for me and stay with me

I dreamt of days in his arms in that tight hug

Days I would meet his parents and all his friends

Days he would shout at the mountain tops

That I was his leading lady

His queen the one that had his heart

I dreamt of all things being me and him

The journeys we would face together

Through thick and thin and no one else in-between

But little did I know that fairytales only exists in children’s stories

And do not play out in the lives of 18 year olds

It was far from ever getting to me

It’s no sin to dream and hope

But some dreams and hopes are not for everybody

They choose who gets them and those that don’t

And as the loving friend I ought to be

I supported him in loving another

Stabbing myself a million times in the chest with the dagger of pain

The day the words I dreaded the most came out from his lips

I knew that there was no permanent future for him and me

And I regret why I didn’t listen to my mother’s words

“Do not get for yourself a male best friend

He will only break you

The hurt will be unbearable”

Mother was right

If only I listened

Now I have to pay the price

The price of watching him loving another

And hoping I’ll always be there to give the support he needs

No matter how much this soul aches

And all the tears I've cried and songs of lament sung

None can truly mend this shattered heart

She would have to live and accept it for the rest of her days